von Hottie: The Blog

Just another night in the life of Her Royal von Hottness.

thefamouschronicles:

Last night, I went to the Public Theater’s opening night party for Knickerbocker, which was, big surprise, at Knickerbocker. There were weird hors d’oeuvres that were foie gras wrapped in cotton candy and a huge celebrity clusterfuck, including Sarah Jessica Parker(!!), Marisa Tomei, Julianna Margulies, Josh Hamilton, Josh Charles, Martha Plimpton, Paul Dano, Amanda Peet, Peter Dinklage, Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts. At some point, a bunch of those celebrities were at a table, hacking away at a huge chunk of meat on a bone. No, really. Ethan Hawke had a meat cleaver. I don’t know know why. On my way to the bathroom, Aubrey Reuben told me I had a great rack. Aubrey, we’ve been at the same parties for years and it took you this long to notice my rack?! Aubrey wanted my business card, but all I had on me was a vondom [von Hottie condom], so I gave him that. I figured the night couldn’t get any weirder, but then Ethan Hawke went outside for a smoke and started rapping with a homeless man. And then Chris Noth showed up. And then the FDNY arrived. And we were drinking free, unlimited champagne. And then I was pretty sure I was smack dab in the middle of The Rapture.