von Hottie: The Blog

» My Third Worst Aerial Silks Fear Came True in Class Tonight

Well, my friends, today it happened. Before I had ever taken my first aerial silks class, I had three main fears: 1) Death by falling, 2) Showing up to class hungover and throwing up on the teacher while mid-inversion, and 3) Uncontrollable flatulence while being spotted mid-air. Fear Number 3, I greet you kindly, sir. For the first time in a few weeks, I tried climbing upright into a hip key from an inverted straddle. Heather was spotting me (read: supporting much of my upper body weight while I scrambled up the silks), and as soon as I lifted my upper body, I could tell there as about to be some intestinal movement, and frankly, I was too busy hanging on for dear life (i.e. avoiding Fear Number 1) to do anything about it. So my arms kept on climbing and my gas kept on passing while my body rotated 180 degrees.

I know farting during yoga is pretty common since you’re doing things that move your guts around. Whenever the instructor says, “This pose aids digestion,” I always think, “You mean it’s time to fart.” In yoga, though, the teacher is at the front of the room, not supporting your bum with her shoulder. Awkward.com times a zillion. Heather didn’t mention it, so maybe she didn’t notice. Or maybe it’s an insider aerialist thing - like the first rule of aerial arts is no one talks about aerial farts. Whatever, I made it all the way upright ! Maybe I should thank my intestines and just call it jet propulsion. To the top, any way you can get there, von Hottie!

Originally posted on Social Workout.com